


Fuck Love.

by shawnslittlepeach



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad Boy Shawn, Badboy Shawn, Badboy!Shawn, Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Organized Crime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-01-07 03:15:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18401975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shawnslittlepeach/pseuds/shawnslittlepeach
Summary: Shawn operates on the wrong side of the law and has girls falling at his feet, but he's still got a soft spot for you. You're both just too stubborn to admit it.





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a one-shot but I've gotten requests for more so it may turn into a few chapters!

You were probably the only person in the world that really knew Shawn.  You had been friends since you were kids. Long before he made a name for himself, and got involved with things that he’d never give you details on, the two of you were as thick as thieves. But as the years went on, you became just another one of his many secrets. 

The two of you were in your room, laying on top of the covers of your bed staring up at the ceiling. You’d been like that for the last hour just talking, and thinking out loud. Well, Shawn had been most of the talking, it was just one of those times where he needed to get some things off of his chest. Sometimes it was about a job he and the boys were pulling, or trouble with a rival, other times it was about just about him. His regrets, his fears. But then there was your least favorite topic. Women. Shawn and women were complicated, and a topic you felt had been run into the ground and you would be more than happy if you’d never have to hear about it again. But still, you let Shawn talk, interjecting when you thought it was appropriate.  

“Fuck love.” 

“You don’t mean that.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes. For a guy with a reputation like his, Shawn really could be dramatic. 

“Sure I do. What’s love ever gotten me, hmm? My heart fucking ripped out of my chest.” He lets out a bitter chuckle. There’s a long pause for a moment, both of you making images out of the patterns in the ceiling before he lets out a deep sigh, “Maybe it’s me.” 

“You know what? Maybe your right.” you deadpan, eyes remaining on the ceiling. 

Shawn gets up, leaning up on one elbow looking down at you, “Excuse me?” 

He so used to you being so gentle with him, so agree. It’s part of the reason why he adored his time with you so much. You were always there to listen, and give him the answers he wants. He knows that’s not how friendship or any kind of relationship for that matter works, but Shawn was a control freak. He needed things to go his way or he’d feel completely lost. He needed yes men. But you weren’t one of his henchmen. You were his friend, and whether he liked it or not, you were going to give him the truth. 

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe it is you.” you sit up on your bed, legs crossed as you watched him fuming on the other side of your bed, “You pull the same shit every time Shawn. You pick the wrong girls, these terrible girls that want nothing more from you than to...I don’t know piss off their parents or prove a point. And then when you give them everything, and they break your heart, which they always fucking do, then you’re back here wallowing in self-pity for a week hoping I feed into it, but I won’t anymore.” 

“I’m not asking for your pity!” 

“Yes, you are! That’s exactly what you want. You want me to feel bad for you, to feed into your ‘no one understands me’ bullshit -” all of a sudden everything comes pouring out of you, things that you’d been hiding for so long and that really have nothing to do with anything, but you can’t stop it. “And then you go out and play your bad boy game, pretending like I don’t exist. And then when you need me, all of a sudden the bullshit stops and you expect me to just be there for you. All the while I’m - ” you can feel this going somewhere deeper than you wish to go so you stop yourself. “Forget it.” 

“No, finish. Tell me how much of a dumbass you think I am, for falling in love.” He spits, getting up from the bed, folding his arms over his chest, and you're amazed that’s what he got out of everything you’d just said. 

“When did I say that?!” 

“Well, you may as well have!” 

“My god, it’s not that! It’s not even about -” you run your fingers through your hair trying to get your thoughts together, “it’s not about you and these stupid girls. I just….I’m getting tired of carrying your shit Shawn, I’m tired of being...ignored.” you sigh, exhausted from your little yelling match. 

You see the tension in his shoulders leave, and at the sound of your voice cracking even just the little bit, he’s calmed down, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, I’m tired of only being here out of convenience for you. You come here, you dump your shit on me and you expect me to just, take it and then call that friendship.”

“Honey, we’ve - ” 

“Please don’t call me that.” the nickname hurt in more ways than one and the last thing you needed was an extra twist to the knife in your heart.

“Okay, now I’m confused.” 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“Yes, it does. If I’m fucking something up here tell me so I can fix it.” 

“You’re not doing anything Shawn forget I said anything.” You scoot yourself up against the bed, leaning against the headboard your arms wrapped around your knees. He follows you onto the bed, cautiously sitting down next to you. 

“Look if you don’t want me to talk about the girls anymore.”

“Jesus your so stupid.” he looks at you surprised, you’ve never been like this with him, “how long have we known each other?” 

“Basically our whole lives?” 

“And all that time, how many times have I asked something of you?” he doesn’t say anything, just holds his head down, nibbling at his bottom lip “exactly.” 

“I don’t mean to be -” 

“I know you don’t Shawn and that’s the fucked up part. You don’t think. How -” you take a moment, reevaluating whether or not you want to get into the conversation that’s been bubbling at the surface and go for it, “How do you think it makes me feel? Watching you with all these girls. And then having to hear about how much they hurt you?” 

“I - I haven’t thought about it,” he admits ashamed. “I didn’t think it’d matter to you. Me and other girls I mean...We already discussed this.” 

It was a long time ago, right after high school when things were just getting too close between the two of you and you decided that nothing would ever happen. You had been adamant that there were no feelings, that you were going to keep everything platonic because you were best friends, and you didn’t want to lose him, even with his reputation. 

“I know. But I lied.” 

“You what?”

“I lied. I had feelings for you then, and I still do.”

Shawn’s heart is pounding out of his chest. The words are simultaneously his worst fear and everything he’s been waiting for. “No. No you don’t.” he says pulling away from you shaking his head, “you can’t.” 

“Well I do.” you asserted, closing the space he’s made between the two of you just to have him pull away again. 

“You don’t understand. I...there’s a reason why I keep you hidden from everything.” 

“Why’s that? Is it because you think-” 

“I love you” he blurted out, rubbing his hands down his face, “And I don’t want anything I do to touch you so I keep you away and I distract myself with other - because I don’t want to hurt you. And I’d rather try and find happiness with someone else and get my heart broken, over and over again then to hurt you once.” 

“Shawn that’s crazy.” 

“Maybe.” he looks at you for a long moment trying to think of the right words but they don’t come, “I umm….I better go.” He goes toward the window from where he came in, opening it up. 

“Where are you going? You can’t just leave like this?” 

“I think it’s best if I go.” 

“Shawn we need to talk about this.” you snap, following him to your window. 

“Then let's do this later we….I’ve got to think about some things.” 

Your blood is boiling. He always did this, always ran away from his problems, “Fine.” You hiss, arms crossed across your chest. 

He places a rough hand on your cheek, bringing you in and placing a soft kiss to your cheek, “I love you.” 

_ What the fuck? _

You head was spinning, in the span of ten minutes, he’s had you going through a series of emotions. One minute your pissed and then you want to chase after him and see what his lips feel like on yours, but this was the roller coaster that was Shawn Mendes and whether you liked it or not….you were stuck on it. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Shawn leaves?

You gave Shawn four days to explain himself. Four days to call you, or text you, or sneak into your window like he always did but he didn’t, and if you weren’t so pissed at him you’d be heartbroken. 

 On day five you had given up on him making the first move so you made one of your own. You made the short drive to his place with every intention of giving him a piece of your mind. How it’d end you hadn’t a clue, but it could go one of two ways. You end up screaming at each other, something would be thrown or broken, maybe a punch to a wall and you’re relationship could be irreparably ruined. Or the two of you could end up running off together to live some fucked up happily ever after. And as much as you hated to admit, the former seemed much more likely. As you walk up to the house you can see the light coming from the window of Shawn’s room, and every bit of confidence you had on your way over has slowly begun to fade. As much as you wanted answers and to sort this whole thing you, a part of you had hoped that he wasn’t home and that he’d be forced into coming to you first. But alas, here you were at the doorstep of his massive house filled with far too much testosterone, ringing the doorbell a few times waiting for someone to answer.  

 The door finally swings open, and some guy is looking you up and down, smirking at you. He’s got dark brown hair and the most vibrant blue eyes you’d ever seen. If he wasn’t giving you the look he was you’d even say he was attractive. You figured he must be new, you’d never seen him before, and anyone else would know who you were. That you were with Shawn and would know better than to look at you that way, regardless if Shawn was around or not. 

 “I think your lost darlin’.” the boy chuckles, licking his bottom lip, and a wave of nausea hits you. 

 “I’m here for Shawn,” you state, folding your arms across your chest. 

 He lets out another chuckle, shaking his head at you, when another guy you’d never seen before, step beside him giving you an equally threatening looking up and down.  

 “Who’s this.” He smirks, folding his arms

 “Says she’s looking for Shawn.” the brunette smiles devilishly. 

 “He’s not here.” 

 “Look I know he’s here and I need to speak to him.” You sigh rolling your eyes and the two knuckle draggers before you. You were already in a mood the last thing you needed was Shawn’s new henchmen giving you the third degree. 

 “Let her in.” a voice booms from behind the two boys. 

It was Brian. The two boys whipped their heads around to see him approached the three of you, they still don’t move, so you push past them meeting Brian where he stood at the bottom of the stairs. 

 “I was wondering when you’d show up.” He sighs, putting his hands in his pockets. 

 “Well he didn’t give me much of a choice.” you huff, arms still folded across your chest.

 “The two of you, I swear.” He chuckles shaking his head. “Just go sort it out. We can’t take any more of…whatever the fuck he’s been doing. We’ve got business to handle and he’s been - just go fix it.” you raise your eyebrow at him challenging his demanding tone. “Please,” he adds moving to the side so you can make your way up to his room. 

 You make the trek up the stairs and down the long hallway to the room at the end of the hall with the double doors. 

 You stand at the door for a few moments before you raise your fist to knock on the door, giving it a few knocks. 

 “Brian, I told you, leave me the fuck alone.” He growls from the other side of the door. 

 “It’s me.” 

 You can hear him jump up and he’s at the door in seconds. 

 “Hi. Sorry about that I just -” 

 “Are you going to let me in?” 

 “Yeah, yeah come in.” He stutters, moving to the side allowing you to enter the massive space. You walk to his bed and plop yourself down, casually crossing your legs. He stands in front of you, one hand in his pocket the other running through his curls and scratching at the back of his neck. 

 “So how long did you think you were going to be able to hide from me?” 

 “I wasn’t hiding from you.” He sighs, standing his ground a few feet away from you. 

 “Then what do you call the last four days Shawn? You can’t pull that shit and then disappear on me.” 

 “I just needed time,” he says, unsure of his own words. He’s making it up as he goes along and so far he’s doing a poor job at best. “And I definitely didn’t count on you coming down here, that’s for sure.” 

 “Well unlike most people around here, you and your goons don’t scare me.” 

 He lets out a bitter chuckle and takes a seat next to you on his bed, and for some reason, it calms you down and your not as angry as you were when you first stepped into the house. Something about the way he was shuffling on his feet, avoiding making eye contact with you…he was nervous. You’d never seen him be so vulnerable, at least if you don’t count the other night. It was strange. 

 “I should be pissed at you, ya know?” you sigh, looking down at your fingers picking at what’s left of your blue nail polish. 

 “You’re not?” 

 “No. Not really, just confused mostly.” you lie, turning yourself to him more. You were pissed at him. You were fuming. But you were also confused and a little hurt. You didn’t know what the fuck to feel or think, he had your emotions all over the place and it was like you were feeling everything at once. 

 Neither of you says anything for a while when you open your mouth to speak at the same time speaking over the other, “You first.” He sighs, biting at his bottom lip. 

 “Well for starters, why did you leave.”

 “I needed to think.” 

 “About?” You press not at all satisfied with his answer. And suddenly the calm that you’d achieved is slowly chipping away. Five days and that’s the best he could come up with? He needed to ‘think’?  

 “Just …think. I needed to think alright.  It was a heavy conversation and I just wanted to clear my head. I didn’t know what to say or do.” he says shrugging his shoulders. 

 “So you thought professing  your love for me, and then jumping out of my window like some kind of fucked up Romeo, was a good idea.” 

 “Well, when you put it that way it sounds bad.” 

 “Because it is! That’s what happened.” you snap, all calm officially gone out the window, “And then you ignore me for almost a week? Leaving me to just think about all this shit without even a hint that you meant any of it!”  

 “Of course I meant what I said.” He scolds, standing up from his spot on the bed standing across from you.  

 “Then why haven’t you texted me. Or called. Or better yet come to my door and sort this thing out.”

 “The girls hate me. There was no way I’d be able to -” 

 “Oh don’t you-you will not blame this on them, if you wanted to come over you would have.” It is true, your roommates hated him, and every time he came around they gave you hell for it, but you still wouldn’t allow for that to be an excuse. This was important, and if he meant anything he said, and he cared for you at all, then he would have braved the circumstances and come to you to sort everything out. But he didn’t. 

 “I wanted to.” 

 “The hell you -” 

 “I did! I just -” 

 “And you expect me to believe that because, why? Huh? Why the fuck should I bel-” 

 “Would you hold on for one second! Jesus.” he snaps, cutting you off. 

 You hadn’t let him get a word in edgewise, so you let out a little huff, waiting for him to continue. Maybe coming in guns blazing wasn’t the best strategy. 

 “I wanted to talk to you. But I figured a text wasn’t exactly appropriate. And I wanted to come over, but I didn’t want your roommates, to give you shit, and I wanted to call but I didn’t know what to say, and I felt like - I don’t know, it needed to happen face to face. I should have said something, I know. But I didn’t, and now we’re here. I was just…scared, okay?” He confesses looking you in the eye, eyes going soft.  

 “Of what?” 

 “It’s stupid now. But I just thought you’d laugh at me or something.” 

 “And why would I do that?” 

 “I don’t know? I just thought - don’t know what I thought.” he huffs rubbing a hand down his face. “Besides I don’t want you involved in…this.” 

 You look at him, brows knitted together trying to make sense of what he’s saying because so far you hadn’t gotten a single answer you came for. 

 “What does that even mean?” 

 “You know what it means.” He says, tilting his head to the side. 

 You do. The life he leads is dangerous, it involves a lot of enemies and fighting and hiding from the law. Your friends think you’re just going through some phase. You want to be just on the edge of the law for the excitement of it all, and maybe some of that is true, but you also knew that Shawn wasn’t as bad as people made him out to be. 

 “How does you telling me how you feel get me involved in ‘this’? I’m asking you to talk about your feelings, Shawn. I’m not asking to cut me in on your next job.” So maybe you knew more than you lead him on to believe you did. 

 “Because if - look it’s bad enough we’re friends, alright? If we have this conversation and you decide…I don’t want you attached to me, especially like that. All it’ll do is put a target on your back.” 

 “And?” 

 “Do you not get it? It’s dangerous being around me. I’m trying to protect you!” 

 “I don’t need your protecting. I need you to tell me what you want.” 

 “It’s not that simple.” 

 “Yes it is!” you snap at him, standing from the bed. “Tell me what you want.” 

 “You! Okay? I want you. But I can’t have you so there’s nothing more to discuss.” He lets out a deep sigh and pushes past you, plopping himself on the bed with his head hanging in his hands. You walk over to him, standing between his legs and bring a hand up to tilt his chin up, forcing him to look at you. You thread your fingers in his curls and he leans into your touch instinctively. 

 “And what if I said I want you too?”

 “What?” 

“What if I told you that I loved you too and that I want this. Us.” 

 You had thought about it for a while. You’d always had a bit of a crush on Shawn. It was innocent in the beginning. But over time something changed. You found yourself wanting to be around him as much as you could, and worrying about him when you hadn’t heard from him in a few days, and hoping he’d be okay every time he wasn’t in the safety of your room. But you’d convinced yourself all of that meant nothing, you buried it because there was no way someone like Shawn would ever look at someone like you as anything more than a friend. But when he pulled his little stunt, as angry as you were. It gave you a spark of hope. At the time you weren’t sure whether he meant it or not, but now standing in front of him, and seeing the look in his eyes, you know it’s true. And you had to tell him. 

 “You don’t mean that.” He says shaking his head. 

 “Yes, I do.” 

 You kneel down in front of him, making you almost at eye level with him and take his face into your small hands. “I love you. I don’t like the way you professed your love for me the other night, and I don’t agree with what happened after. But I love you too. And I’m willing to sort this thing out with you if you let me.” 

 “You’re going to get hurt,” he whispers looking at you, eyes pleading. 

 “Are you going to hurt me?” 

 “Not like that.” He says shaking his head at you looking down at his feet. 

 “I’ll be okay. Just …tell me you want this. Tell me you want this and we can sort out the rest.” He looks back up at you and you see his eyes getting glassy. 

 “Honey-” he begs

 “Shawn. Answer me…please.” 

 “I want this.” you give him a small smile. 

 “See, now was that so hard.” you joke, an attempt to lighten the mood. 

 “That we figure out together,” you say playing with the girls at the nape of his neck. 

 “I love you.” He admits again resting his forehead against yours. 

 “I love you too.” 

  You had no idea what was to come but you knew that you had him, and that’s all you needed. 

**Author's Note:**

> what do you think? do you want more of these two? Let me know!


End file.
